“The News Chopped And Screwed”

Posted: 07/14/2011 in news
This Is How You Take Care Of A Would Be Robber..

” A Russian man who tried to rob a hair salon ended up as the victim when the female shop owner overpowered him, tied him up naked and then used him as a sex slave for three days. Viktor Jasinski, 32, admitted to police that he had gone to the salon in Meshchovsk, Russia, with the intention of robbing it. But the tables were turned dramatically when he found himself overcome by owner Olga Zajac, 28, who happened to be a black belt in karate. She allegedly floored the would-be robber with a single kick. Then, in a scene reminiscent of Quentin Tarantino’s Pulp Fiction, police say Zajac dragged the semi-conscious Jasinski to a back room of the salon and tied him up with a hair dryer cable. She allegedly stripped him naked and, for the next three days, used him as a sex slave to ‘teach him a lesson’ – force feeding him Viagra to keep the lesson going. The would-be robber was eventually released, with Zajak saying he had learned his lesson. Jasinski went straight to the police and told them of his back-room ordeal, saying that he had been held hostage, handcuffed naked to a radiator, and fed nothing but Viagra. Both have now been arrested. When police arrived to question Zahjac, she said: ‘What a bastard. Yes, we had sex a couple of times. But I bought him new jeans, gave him food and even gave him 1,000 roubles when he left. ”

A Banana Attacks A Gorilla?

” It’s not your everyday assault. Fox8 Cleveland reports that the gorilla mascot at the Wireless Center, a cellular phone retailer in Strongsville, was attacked last week by a kid in a banana costume. According to Fox8, the store has the gorilla as a marketing tool a couple of days a week. Brandon Parham, the store manager, told the TV station that he had seen the kid inside the store prior to the attack. “Then he just emerged, dressed up as a banana, and sprinted as fast as he could at our gorilla,” Parham said. “The kid just speared our gorilla.” Check out this video from Fox8, complete with audio from a police dispatcher when the attack was reported to police: Fox8 reports that after the attack, the person dressed up as a banana split and headed south on Pearl Road. Meantime, the store manager feels his guy got a bad deal: “The gorilla should have won,” Parham said. ”

The Things People Will Do To Get To Disney World..

” A remorseless ex-con gunned down a Louisiana priest and used the slain cleric’s cash and car to take his ex-wife and kids to Disney World, authorities said. Jeremy Wayne Manieri was arrested when investigators used the stolen car’s anti-theft device to track him down at a hotel in Winter Haven, Fla., officials said. Manieri was up before sunrise to beat the crowds at the Orlando theme park, where he planned to use three-day passes bought with the blood money, officials said. The suspect left the gun used to kill the Rev. Edward Everitt inside the stolen car. Cops found a wallet with one of the priest’s business cards in the hotel room, officials said. “He left a trail of evidence that a blind man could have followed,” Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd said. The suspect had stepped outside his hotel room for a cigarette when authorities descended upon him Tuesday morning. Manieri, 31, a registered sex offender, used Everitt’s .380-caliber semi-automatic pistol to slay the priest on Sunday in a Mississippi retreat house used by several priests, authorities said. Manieri worked as a handyman on the property. After leaving the slain priest’s body on the couch of the waterfront home, Manieri robbed the dead man and drove off in the priest’s silver Chevrolet HHR. He coolly picked up his ex-wife, his 10-year-old stepson and 5-year-old daughter and drove to a Mobile, Ala., motel. They left Monday for Florida, checking into a Days Inn that night and buying the passes for Disney World. A caretaker found Everitt’s body the same day. Manieri, who has a long criminal history, is a registered sex offender with a 2006 conviction for touching a child or a mentally defective person “for lustful purposes,” the Mississippi sex offender registry shows. Everitt, 70, became a priest in the Dominican order in 1968, and was the pastor at Holy Ghost Church in Hammond, La. He frequently went to the Mississippi waterfront home after Sunday Mass. Bishop Robert Muench of the Diocese of Baton Rouge praised the slain priest for his decades of service. “This tragic loss of Father Ed’s life leaves a deeply-felt void in all our lives,” Muench said. “May our grief be seen in that perspective as we thank God for his valued life and priestly ministry. ”

I Didn’t Know You Could Be Allergic To Doggy Style?

” A man has appeared before Limerick District Court charged with ordering his Alsatian dog to have sex with a 43-year-old mother of four, who died from an adverse allergic reaction to the intercourse. The Irish Sun reports that Sean McDonnell, 57, is charged with buggery contrary to Section 61 of the Offences against the Person Act of 1861 – and is believed to be the first person in Ireland to be charged under the legislation. The Irish Daily Star adds that McDonnell and the deceased woman had discussed the arrangement on a bestiality internet chat room, and that Gardaí are satisfied that the intercourse was consensual. The Alsatian dog has been kept in quarantine ever since the incident of 7 October, 2008, Patrick O’Connell wrote. The woman fell ill at around 7:30pm that evening and was rushed to Mid-Western Regional Hospital where she died at around 8pm. Tests showed she had died of anaphylaxis, a severe allergic reaction similar to that prompted by peanut allergies. The Sun’s Barry Moran said McDonnell could face a life sentence in prison if found guilty. ”

Lightning Never Strikes Twice.

” A Hammonton, New Jersey man is dead after lightning struck so close to him that it sent a surge of electricity through his body. Before Stephen Rooney, 54, walked away from his wife, family and friends at a barbecue on the Sunday he was struck. He’d just said, after seeing lightning in the sky, “Don’t worry guys, lightning never strikes twice.” That line is much more than a cliché in the Rooney family. Stephen’s father also died after being struck by lightning 48 years ago while he was fishing in Fortescue, N.J. Stephen was just five years old. According to his family, Rooney was with his cousin Scott Digeralamo last Sunday when a bolt of lightning hit the ground where they were standing. The men had stepped away from the barbecue — right by a tree — to smoke a cigar when they were hit , according to police. Digeralamo survived the strike. Rooney died five days later. His daughters are setting up a fund for him at St. Joseph’s High School, which they all attended.. They are hoping to have an athletic field named after Rooney. ”

Kinky Exotic-Animal Lover

” If you thought Sam Mazzola, the “exotic-animal owner” whose bear killed one of its trainers last year, had already used up his lifetime allotment of tabloid headlines, think again! Mazzola was found dead on Sunday, “wearing a leather mask with the eyes and mouth zipped shut and a two-piece metal sphere covering his head.” Apparently, he choked on a sex toy. Mazzola was found facedown, mask and metal sphere on, sex toy in mouth, “bound to the bed with handcuffs, chains and padlocks” in Columbia Station, Ohio, where he kept his animals (including bears, wolves, tigers and possibly one lion), by a teenaged coworker. According to authorities, he’d been bound “by request,” and whoever trussed him up left, though that seems to have been part of the deal, as the cops aren’t treating the death as suspicious. Mazzola’s death comes almost 11 months after the death of Brent Kandra, a 24-year-old animal trainer who was mauled to death by one of Mazzola’s bears. ”

Really? How Much Evidence Do We Need?

” The Washington State Supreme Court ruled that Marc Gilbert, who is on trial for kidnapping and raping boys and videotaping the encounters, must have unlimited access to the very child pornography that he’s accused of making. See, Gilbert is acting as his own lawyer in the trial, so as his defense attorney, he needs to be able to review all the evidence in the case. Since the evidence in this case is footage of him allegedly raping boys, then he gets to review that evidence to his heart’s content. And since his access to this evidence will only go on for the duration of the trial, you can expect this thing to drag on for as long as Gilbert can make it. This is how justice gets served. ”

Lets Get Naked And Kill Ourselves! You First.

” A former Bronx Science biology teacher and her boyfriend drove to the middle of the Tappan Zee Bridge yesterday, emerged naked from their car and, holding hands until the last second, jumped in a bizarre suicide mission, cops said. Alfa Choice, 29, was pulled from the churning Hudson River alive but died shortly after. Her boyfriend, Christopher Shears, 44, incredibly survived the plunge and was unconscious in the intensive-care unit at Nyack Hospital. He’s expected to survive but may be paralyzed, authorities said. “I have friends here to support me,” said his mother, Cassie Dee Shears, who visited him in the hospital last night. “He’s not doing better.” When asked if her son had been upset about anything, the woman said, “I don’t know.” Friends said yesterday that Choice was a gifted student at the Bronx HS of Science and attended Cornell University as an undergrad before returning to her high school as a teacher. She had been on a leave of absence from grad-school studies. She was dating fellow Bronx native Shears and the two lived together in Ithaca. As they stood on the edge of the bridge, it appeared for a moment that Choice had a sudden change of heart, sources said. Staring at the 175-foot drop, Choice hesitated. Cops are looking into the possibility that Shears, determined not to go alone, may have pushed her off — and then jumped himself. He could be charged in her death, the sources said. “We’re still investigating,” said State Police investigator Skylar King. Witnesses saw them halt their Chevy Tahoe in the right, southbound-bound lane of the bridge shortly after 9 a.m.
With traffic backing up behind them, they got out of the SUV together, completely naked, and climbed atop the vehicle. Using that height advantage, they then climbed over the bridge’s five-foot-high suicide-prevention fence and reached a shorter railing, said Joseph Becerra, another State Police investigator. Witnesses saw them holding hands and staring down into the Hudson. That’s when Choice, who taught at Bronx Science from 2004 to 2007, hesitated and was perhaps shoved, sources said. Construction workers at the base of the bridge scrambled to pull the duo from the water. “His eyes were open, but there were no words,” one worker said of Shears. At her former apartment building in Ithaca, those who knew Choice were stunned at her death. “She was not a person I would think would commit suicide,” said one resident, who added that Choice — who frequently dressed in black — was often visited by women, also donned in black, that she introduced as her “sisters.” The neighbor once asked Choice if she were a nun and she said, “No.” Police sources said Choice may have belonged to a cult. Public records show that Choice had more than $10,000 in liens and judgments against her. ”

I’m Sure You’ve Heard.

” GARDEN GROVE, Calif. (KTLA) — A Garden Grove woman was in court Wednesday to face charges of felony torture and aggravated mayhem for allegedly drugging her husband, cutting off his penis and grinding it up in a garbage disposal. Catherine Kieu Becker, 48, made her first court appearance, but did not enter a plea. Her arraignment was rescheduled for July 22. Kieu also faces sentencing enhancements for great bodily injury and personal use of a knife. If convicted on all counts, she faces a maximum sentence of life in prison with the possibility of parole. Her 60-year old husband, who has not been identified, remains hospitalized in stable condition. He is said to be “in good spirits” despite his ordeal. Meantime, prosecutors say the motive behind the attack appears to be an argument the couple had over “friends staying at the residence.” Garden Grove police were sent to the home in the 14000 block of Flower Street around 9 p.m. Monday night after a woman called 911 for a medical emergency, according to Lt. Jeff Nightengale. When officers arrived, they found a man bleeding from the crotch area. Kieu, 48, had put an unknown type of poison and/or drug into her husband’s food to make him sleepy, according to Nightengale. She then tied him to the bed. When he woke up, she cut off his penis with a knife, investigators said. She then tossed the penis in the garbage disposal and turned it on. The victim was transported to UCI Medical Center in Irvine where he underwent emergency surgery and is listed in serious condition. Investigators say the couple is going through a divorce. The initial investigation determined that Becker made dinner for her husband. He told detectives that he thought there was something wrong with his food. He went to lie down and woke up tied to his bed. His wife then grabbed the victim’s penis and cut it off. She called 911 and told responding officers that he “deserved it.” The couple was married on December 29, 2009. They separated in April and the victim filed for divorce in May citing “irreconcilable differences.” Nightengale said there was no history of domestic violence between the pair. A search warrant was served at the home and detectives found a knife and a rope. ”

Match One!

” A brazen driver shocked police by lighting up a joint at a traffic checkpoint in Yarmouth, N.S. RCMP were conducting a routine vehicle inspection last Wednesday afternoon when the smell of marijuana caught their attention. Officers walked over to a car with its windows rolled down. Inside was a man casually smoking a joint. “I honestly don’t know what to think,” RCMP traffic services Cpl. Andy Hamilton told CBC News. “It doesn’t make any sense to a police officer or the person on the street. You know, this person is obviously a user, a consumer, but why he decided to light up within eyesight of the officers is anybody’s guess.” Officers spent an hour trying to determine if the man was impaired. He passed the test, but they charged him with possession of marijuana. “It appears that this was the one and only joint that was smoked,” Hamilton said. Fortunately for the man, stupidity is not against the law, he added. “It’s probably a good thing that it isn’t. We wouldn’t be able to write enough tickets. ”

Coheed And Cambria And Oxycontin.

” The bassist for New York rock band Coheed and Cambria was busted today for stealing painkillers from a Massachusetts pharmacy — just hours before he was set to perform, cops said. Mike Todd allegedly told a worker at an Attleboro Walgreens that he had a bomb and demanded Oxycontin around 1 p.m. He was given six bottles of the drug and hopped in a cab, according to authorities. Todd, 30, was soon arrested at the Comcast Center in Mansfield, Mass. where the band was opening for Soundgarden. The musician was charged with armed robbery and possession of a controlled substance. He was in jail while his bandmates performed without him. The group’s Twitter page linked to a statement that said Todd would not perform at any more shows on the current tour. “We are surprised to say the least and will address the situation with Michael after the tour,” the statement said. ”

Sorry Sir That Torso Isn’t Recyclable.

” Part of a man’s body was dumped on a recycling plant conveyer belt and discovered Friday, sparking an investigation into the fifth Seattle homicide this year. Police did not immediately say if the body matched details from recent missing persons cases, and few details were immediately available, pending an autopsy and family notification. The body was mixed with materials from a construction site. Police were called to 7201 East Marginal Way S., at 10:48 a.m. Friday, and patrol officers called for homicide detectives after talking with workers. “We don’t believe that this person was killed here on site, but rather that they were transported here,” Sgt. Sean Whitcomb said. “I can tell you that workers found the body on a conveyer belt.” The site is operated by CleanScapes, a waste-management and recycling firm. A spokesman for the company told KOMO/4 the body is not a CleanScapes employee. Police were expected to give more details in a Friday afternoon briefing. The number of confirmed homicides in Seattle is at four so far this year – on pace to be the lowest annual rate since the 1940s. They include the death of vaudeville entertainer Robert Stabile, Capitol Hill beating of Zachary Lewis, South Seattle shooting of James Stapleton, and the domestic violence strangulation death of Rahel Afewerki Sium, accoridng to police and prosecutors. The Sodo case would be the fifth this year. “

Usually People Pay To Get A BJ…

” A Queens chaplain was nabbed trying to pay an inmate for a most unholy act. Frank DeTucci, 70, had $200 in his shoe and another $153 in his wallet when a guard at the Queensboro Correctional Facility spotted him kneeling Sunday in front of the prisoner, officials say. When questioned, DeTucci admitted that on July 5 he paid the same inmate $120 and $150 on two separate occasions to perform oral sex on him in the chaplain’s office at the minimum-security Long Island City facility. DeTucci has been a chaplain for the state correctional system for 27 years and is a deacon at Our Lady of Mount Carmel Church in Astoria. A church spokeswoman said he would be placed on administrative leave as soon as notified. DeTucci faces up to four years in prison on charges that include official misconduct, engaging in a criminal sex act and sexual misconduct. ”

  1. bedaroc says:

    yo i need the address to this salon man! real talk..

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