“The News Chopped And Screwed”

Posted: 06/09/2011 in news, pics
Finally Someone Sticking It To Bank Of America.

” After Bank of America tries to foreclose on Florida couple’s home, the couple strikes back and forecloses on BoA. When Bank of America tried to foreclose on Collier County (FL) homeowners Warren and Maureen Nyerges, the couple went to court to prove they never had a mortgage to begin with, having paid in cash. It took a year, but the pair won their case, and the judge ordered Bank of America to cough up the legal fees. When, after five month, the bank still hadn’t given the Nyergerses a dime, the couple went to their local branch to collect — bringing a foreclosure defense lawyer, Sheriff’s Deputies, and moving trucks along with them. “

You Can See My Cock On Google Earth!

” CROP circles might be known for their beauty and paranormal allure, but the giant phalluses etched into the field of a New Zealand high school hold no such mystique. Fairfield College, in the North Island town of Hamilton, has been snapped by satellite cameras with six huge penises burnt into the grass. The x-rated images, immortalised on the website Google Earth, were spotted by Kiwi David McQuoid while scanning the neighbourhood online looking for a property. “At first I thought it was a large piece of artwork,” he said of the shot, which shows cartoon-like phalluses of various sizes, some several metres across. Publicity around the so-called Fairfield Phalluses has embarrassed the school’s acting principal Gerhard van Dyk, who told the Waikato Times it was hard enough to deal with when the prank was pulled back in 2009.
It happened over a weekend but it wasn’t until the grass died off bit by bit that phallic symbols started to pop up around the school grounds. Every week another crude image revealed itself, much to the dismay of staff. “There’s not really much we could do about it,” he told the newspaper. “The caretaker took some more weedkiller and tried to camouflage it a bit.” Mr van Dyk never caught the culprits and the prank would no doubt have passed into schoolboy folklore had it not been captured by Google Maps. The red-faced principal said he would be contacting Google to plead for the image’s removal but an internet privacy specialist said it was difficult to get such satellite photographs changed or blurred. Kiwis however, thought the prank was hilarious, with 70 adding mostly encouraging comments to the online story, like “Freakin brilliant!!! Love it!!! Classic piece of adolescent artwork.” One gave the artists an A+, top marks for cunning, planning, chemistry and geometry, while another said their anatomy detailing left a lot to be desired. “I totally reckon it was actually girls,” they wrote. Then came a confession: “HAHAHA!!! we did this as our 7th form prank, now it lives on! how awesome! “

Spray It On Baby!

“ The Institute for Condom Consultancy, a German group that offers advice on contraception, plans to launch a spray-on condom next year in Germany. In theory, this could reduce the chance of slippage because it ensures a perfect fit. The device, which may provide up to 20 applications, sprays a coating of liquid latex. (It doesn’t stick.) The Institutes Jan Vinzenz Krause estimates the product could make it to the U.S. market in three years. ”

Impress Your Underage Girlfriend, Like A Boss.

” According to a state police investigator, Blauvelt, 18, told his girlfriend and her family that he had inherited a 6,000 square-foot lake house in South Bristol, a town in western New York state. A magnanimous sort, he invited the girlfriend’s family to move in with him. So they did! But they only got to stay for about an hour or so before the true owner showed up, saw all these unfamiliar people hanging out inside their vacation palace, and called police. Blauvelt was arrested and charged with second-degree burglary (a felony) and punishable false written statement (a misdemeanor); the girlfriend and her family apparently didn’t know anything about the savvy scheme, and aren’t in any trouble. In addition to the burglary charge and the other charge, Blauvelt’s also facing charges for sexual misconduct and endangering the welfare of a child. Turns out that his girlfriend is only 15 years old. “He loves trouble I guess and I’ve been trying to steer him right for a long time,” says a lakefront property owner who knows Blauvelt and is probably no more impressed with him than his girlfriend’s family must be. “

These Perverts Are Getting Really Creative.

” Worried your computer repairman is a pervert? Here’s a handy guide: If the software he installs suggests that take your laptop to the bathroom when you shower, he’s probably using remote-controlled software to take pictures of you naked. That’s what Trevor Harwell, 20, of Fullterton, Calif. is accused of, at least. According to cops, Harwell took “hundreds of thousands” of pictures of women whose Macs he repaired , and used some very, uh, sneaky methods: The lurid repair ploy first came to light last summer when a Fullerton resident contacted police about suspicious messages appearing on his daughter’s computer, Goodrich said. One message mimicked the appearance of a system message and read: “You should fix your internal sensor soon. If unsure what to do, try putting your laptop near hot steam for several minutes to clean the sensor. “

Another State Comes To It’s Senses.

” Connecticut became the 13th state to decriminalize marijuana on Tuesday with the passage of new legislation in the House of Representatives. Possession of less than a half-ounce of pot will garner you a $150 fine (one that increases with subsequent offenses); if you’re under 21, you’ll get a two-month suspension of your driver’s license. Connecticut could save some $885,000 in court costs and attorney salaries, and make as much as $1.4 million in fines and fees, not to mention the obvious economic benefits for convenience stores. “

WTF? Really?

” Ophelia De’lonta needs gender reassignment surgery. But the Virginia prison where she’s an inmate won’t pay for it. So she’s been trying to do it herself. According to the AP, De’lonta is serving time in the all-male Buckingham Correctional Center for drug, weapons, and robbery charges, some of them stemming from her teenage efforts to steal money to pay for surgery. In prison, she’s allowed to take female hormones and wear a woman’s uniform, and she’s required to be addressed as “she” — but the Virginia Department of Corrections won’t transfer her to a women’s prison, or pay for genital surgery. As a result, she tried to castrate herself in October, cutting her penis with three disposable razors for three hours. She ultimately needed 21 stitches. De’lonta can’t be sure she won’t try again, and thinks even death might be better than continuing to live with male genitals — then, she says, “I would have peace.” But to keep that from happening, she’s suing in federal court, saying the state of Virginia is denying her a necessary medical procedure by refusing to foot the bill for her surgery. Whether prisons — which cover other medical expenses for inmates — should pay for gender reassignment is a controversial issue. Another transgender inmate filed a similar lawsuit in California, and a lawyer for the prison health system argued, “A prison is not required by law to give a prisoner medical care that is as good as he would receive if he were a free person, let alone an affluent free person.” And in response to De’lonta’s lawsuit, Virginia Del. Todd Gilbert says, “The notion that taxpayers are going to fund a sex change is just ridiculous.” But the ostensible fiscal conservatism of these statements may disguise transphobia. Paying for gender reassignment is only “ridiculous” if you regard the surgery as illegitimate or unnecessary, and De’lonta’s disturbing self-injury reveals how very necessary it can be. Asked why she can’t wait for the procedure until she gets out of jail, she says, “This is not something that I have any control over. This is just how I was born.” State governments need to stop thinking of gender reassignment as a luxury, and recognize that for some, it can be a matter of life and death. “

Isn’t Everyday Gay Day At Disneyland?

” This weekend the Florida Family Association hired a plane to pull banners warning Disney World-goers about “Gay Days,” part of which were celebrated inside the beloved theme park. They didn’t want families to be exposed to “the reality of witnessing over 15,000 Gay Pride Day revelers.” How thoughtful of them! The Association, which is supposedly “made up of THOUSANDS OF SUPPORTERS across America who share in the same goal of improving America’s moral environment,” reportedly spent $7,000 on the airplanes, which flew 10-hour shifts to deliver the messages “WARNING GAY DAY AT DISNEY 6/4” and “WARNING GAY PRIDE DAY AT DISNEY 2DAY”—a protest against Disney’s decision to allow Gay Day to take place during regular business hours: “Disney requires special events like Grad Night and Night of Joy to be held after the Magic Kingdom’s regular operating hours,” contends FFA. “Disney does this to avoid having a large group of likeminded people in the park at the same time with regular patrons who expect a normal day at the Magic Kingdom.” The Association also says that people “turn around and leave” Disney when they see same-sex couples, who “offend” mainstream America. You know, mainstreamers—people who worry about sharia law. “

Goddamn This Couple Knows How To Party!

” There are not many situations where you wish a mother would bring her baby into a strip club, but here’s one: Police in Louisville, Ky., arrested 43-year-old Laura DiPrimo and 28-year-old Thomas Lee for leaving their infant in their car, outside the strip club, in 91-degree heat. At 11 p.m. Both parents admitted to drinking, and “Lee was wearing an ankle bracelet because he was supposed to be on home incarceration in Clark County, Indiana. “

20K For A Hoodie And Some Aviators?

” The Unabomber auction has ended, and over $190,000 was raised for his victims. The hottest item was a collection of Kaczynski’s personal journals that went for $40,676, while his iconic hoodie and sunglasses sold for $20,025. ”

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