“The News Chopped And Screwed”

Posted: 06/02/2011 in news
Starbucks Is Just A Trendy Hangout For Perverts.

” A California man placed a hidden camera inside a Starbucks bathroom and filmed dozens of unsuspecting women and children, according to police. The camera was disguised as a coat hook and affixed to a wall adjacent to a toilet for two days last month. William Zafra Velasco, 25, was arrested earlier this month by Glendora Police Department officers, who executed search warrants at the San Dimas home of the unemployed student. Detectives examining Velasco’s computers discovered “disturbing video of at least 45 female victims using the restroom, including children,” according to investigators. Velasco, pictured in the above mug shot, was charged with secretly videotaping 45 victims for sexual gratification. Free on $50,000 bail, he is scheduled for a June 21 Superior Court appearance. Cops do not believe that the bathroom videos were uploaded to the Internet or distributed in any other fashion. In addition to video, the surveillance device was equipped to record sound. After the camera was discovered by a Starbucks employee, police were summoned to the restaurant, where they photographed the device. Evidence photos (here and here) show the hook on a wall next to a sink. A third photo shows the view from the hidden camera’s vantage point. Police identified Velasco following a review of Starbucks surveillance video showing him entering the café. Over a two-day period last month, police allege, Velasco would enter the bathroom every hour and remove the camera. He would then go to his car and download its videos to his laptop. He would then return to the bathroom and affix the coat hook to the wall. “

Fill Me Up!

” A New Zealand truck driver who fell on a compressed air hose that pierced his buttock has survived being blown up like a balloon. Steven McCormack had fallen between the cab and the trailer of his truck, breaking the air hose. The nozzle pierced his buttock and began pumping air into his body, which expanded dramatically. As he screamed, Mr McCormack’s colleagues turned the air off and laid him on his side, saving his life. The accident happened at Opotiki on the North Island on Saturday. Mr McCormack, who is 48, is still in hospital in the nearest town, Whakatane. He said that doctors had told him they were surprised that his skin had not burst, as the compressed air – pumping into his body at 100lb/sq in – had separated fat from muscle. “I was blowing up like a football… it felt like I had the bends, like in diving. I had no choice but just to lay there, blowing up like a balloon,” he told the local newspaper, the Whakatane Beacon. He said his skin feels “like a pork roast”, hard and crackly on the outside but soft underneath. He credits his colleagues, especially Jason Wenham who put him on his side, with saving his life. Mr Wenham, Ross Hustler and Robbie Petersen had lifted Mr McCormack off the brass nozzle which was still stuck in his body, and packed ice around his swollen neck until an ambulance arrived. Doctors inserted a tube into his lungs to drain the fluid and cleared the wound in his buttock using what felt to him like a drill. “That was the most painful part,” he said. “It’s fair to say he’s lucky to be alive, it was a potentially life-threatening situation,” a hospital spokeswoman told AFP on Wednesday. Mr McCormack confided that the air was gradually escaping his body in the way that air usually does. “

On Welfare, Like A Boss/Douchebag.

” A Michigan man who won $2 million in a state lottery game continues to collect food stamps 11 months after striking it rich. And there’s nothing the state can do about it, at least for now. Leroy Fick, 59, of Auburn won $2 million in the state lottery TV show “Make Me Rich!” last June. But the state’s Department of Human Services determined he was still eligible for food stamps, Fick’s attorney, John Wilson of Midland, said Tuesday. Eligibility for food stamps is based on gross income and follows federal guidelines; lottery winnings are considered liquid assets and don’t count as income. As long as Fick’s gross income stays below the eligibility requirement for food stamps, he can receive them, even if he has a million dollars in the bank. Food stamps are paid for through tax dollars and are meant to help support low-income families. “If you’re going to try to make me feel bad, you’re not going to do it,” Fick told WNEM-TV in Saginaw on Monday. Wilson said Fick told the DHS officials he’d won $2 million but was told he could keep using the Bridge Card issued to him to buy groceries. Fick could not be reached for comment Tuesday. Al Kimichik, director of the office of inspector general for DHS, said the department could not comment on individual cases but that it this week began the process of requesting a waiver from the federal government to close the lottery loophole. If it is granted, assets would be counted in determining food stamp eligibility. Though the food stamp program is federal and states must follow U.S. guidelines, states sometimes request waivers of rules. Michigan was granted a waiver recently to stop college students from qualifying for food stamps. “For Leroy Fick to continue to use a Bridge Card, paid for by the taxpayers, after winning the lottery, is obscene,” said Sen. Rick Jones, R-Grand Ledge. “What a waste of taxpayer money.” Jones contacted DHS officials Monday about Fick’s case, and was told the department’s hands were tied by federal regulations. “There is no liquid asset requirement for getting food stamps,” Jones said. “The department is asking the federal government for an immediate change (in policy). They’re hoping this case will help the federal government act.” Until then, Fick can collect food stamps and keep his lottery winnings in the bank. “I am not going to sit and debate the ethics of this,” Wilson said. “But from his standpoint, he did what he was supposed to do — he informed the state, and the state said he could keep using the card. The problem is with the state. “

Now We Can Find Out If You Were Getting Roadhead Or Texting.

” Federal officials are poised to announce next month that all cars must contain a black box, similar to that installed on airplanes, to give authorities a glimpse of your activities in the event of a car wreck. The devices could help pin down what happened in the moments before a crash, helping authorities determine who is at fault for what, and eliminating uncertainty from human witnesses. Many cars with airbags and other systems already use electronic data recorders, but there are no clear federal rules about how the data can or should be used, as Wired’s Autopia blog points out. Some states allow automobile black box data to be used in court, but others do not. Automakers have different, proprietary data storage systems, and there is no clearly defined method to retrieve it. General Motors can find out plenty of information about your driving habits, as Autopia explains, like whether you used your turn signal and whether you buckled your seat belt. GM can use this information to build better safety systems, but it can conceivably be used by insurance companies, too, when determining how to pay claims or assign fault. Or it could be used by legal authorities to prove guilt or negligence. It’s not a far leap to car black boxes that can figure out whether you were distracted by your cell phone, for instance, which could help attorneys prove liability in court cases. Combine that with iPhone tracking data and you could really have some privacy concerns. The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration is expected to issue federal guidelines for how the data can and cannot be used, Autopia says. “

$60 To Kill Myself? Ok Now I Don’t Think I Can Afford It.

” Selling plastic bags on the internet just might earn you a visit from the FBI. That’s what happened on Wednesday to 91-year-old Sharlotte Hydorn from California, who sells “suicide kits” through the mail for $60. From The San Diego Union-Tribune: A day after agents raided her El Cajon-area house, seizing a sewing machine and other materials tied to the mail-order operation, Sharlotte Hydorn vowed to fight any possible federal charges. “Do I look like a criminal?” said a smiling Hydorn, standing outside her Jeri Way home. She and her son assemble the $60 kits, which include clear, medical-grade tubing and a customized plastic bag that, when used with helium, can cause a person to pass out and die. Helium not included. The only crime I see here is selling a plastic bag and hose for $60. Okay, so you also get a copy of the book Final Exit, and the bag is “customized,” but seriously, what a rip off. “

This Lady Is Fuckin Brutal!

” In Bangladesh, a Weinergate very different from the one preoccupying America’s Twitternet has emerged. There, a woman cut off her neighbor’s penis after he allegedly broke into her house and tried to rape her. Monju Begum, a 40-year-old married mother of three, told police that she knifed off the penis of her neighbor, Mozammel Haq Mazi, in order to show evidence of the attack. She’s filed an attempted rape charge against Mazi, a married man and father of five who denies the allegations. Mazi says the two were having an affair, and claims that Begum removed his privates out of revenge after he told her that he couldn’t abandon his family and run off with her to the big city (Dhaka). His argument hasn’t convinced police, who say they’ll arrest Mazi “once his condition gets better”—which in some ways will never happen, actually, because doctors couldn’t reattach the organ. Begum says that Mazi harassed her for six months prior to the alleged attack. He probably won’t be bothering her anymore. “

Now This Is How You Reward And Motivate Your Employees!


” Munich Re is the world’s biggest re-insurer – in other words, the company acts as an insurance company for other insurance companies. One of its divisions, Ergo, told the BBC that the party had taken place to reward salesmen in 2007. A spokesman said the people who organised it had since left. The gathering was held at a thermal baths in the Hungarian capital Budapest as a reward to particularly successful salesmen. ‘Whatever they liked’ There were about 100 guests and 20 prostitutes were hired. A German business newspaper said the prostitutes had worn colour-coded arm-bands designating their availability, and the women had their arms stamped after each service rendered. According to Handelsblatt, quoting an unnamed participant, guests were able to take the women to four-poster beds at the spa “and do whatever they liked”. “After each such encounter the women were stamped on the lower arm in order to keep track of how often each woman was frequented,” the paper quoted the man as saying. “The women wore red and yellow wrist bands. One lot were hostesses, the others would fulfil your every wish. “There were also women with white wrist bands. They were reserved for board members and the very best sales reps.”
A spokesman for Ergo told the BBC that the party had happened, but said it was not the usual way of rewarding their employees. The company said it had introduced a new code of conduct. “We’ve taken all the right steps to prevent it happening again,” he said. “It was a mistake but we are very sure that it was a unique event.
“The new people of the sales organisation introduced a very personal commitment that these things should not happen again. “

Just In Case You Need To Get Rid Of Your Crabs Spiritually.

” Severed head of patron saint of genital disease on sale. The head is said to belong to St Vitalis of Assisi, the patron saint of genital disease The severed head of a man said to be the patron saint of genital disease will go on auction in County Meath on Sunday. The skull is allegedly that of St Vitalis of Assisi, an Italian Benedictine monk from the 14th century. It belonged to an Anglo-Irish family from County Louth, and is housed in a Queen Anne case dating from the 17th century. There has been no official verification of the claim. St Vitalis was born in Umbria, Italy, and is said to have lived an immoral and licentious youth. In an attempt to atone for his early sins, he later undertook pilgrimages to shrines throughout Europe, eventually entering the Benedictine monastery at Subiaco. After leaving the monastery, he lived the remainder of his life as a hermit near Assisi. It is said that he wore only rags and shunned all material wealth, with the exception of a basket which he used to fetch water from a nearby stream. He died in 1370, and word of his sanctity soon spread due to reports of numerous miracles performed on those with bladder and genital disorders. It is unclear exactly how his head may have ended up in Ireland. Auctioneer Damien Matthews, who is selling the macabre item on Sunday, said that the family think an ancestor brought it back from the grand tour of Europe in the 18th century. The grand tour was an educational rite of passage for wealthy Europeans from the 17th until the 19th century, intended to provide insight into the great cultural symbols of Europe. The head sat for many years in the family hall in County Louth, but was recently uncovered in an outhouse. Mr Matthews said that although he couldn’t be certain it was the head of a saint: “It’s certainly ancient, and it’s certainly the head of somebody.” The Holy Cross Monastery, a Benedictine order in Rostrevor, County Down, did not even know who St Vitalis was, and after an internet search, declined to comment further on the matter of his or anyone else’s severed head. The auction takes place at Annesbrook House in Duleek, County Meath, on 29 May at 1500 BST. The head, holy or otherwise, is valued at between 800 and 1,200 euros (between £698 and £1,047). “

What Kind Of Animal Forces An 85yr Old Women To Perform Oral?

” An 85-year-old woman walking near her home on the Upper East Side of Manhattan was dragged by her neck and forced to perform oral sex on her attacker in a stairwell on 83rd St. She’s in stable condition at a nearby hospital, but her attacker is still at large; police spent Monday driving vans “equipped with loudspeakers blaring the suspect’s description” around the neighborhood. He’s said to be “a light-skinned Hispanic man, 25-30 years old. “

Amsterdam Kicks Tourists Out Of Pot Cafes

” The Netherlands’ right-wing coalition government announced yesterday that it will ban tourists from weed-selling coffee shops by the end of the year, effectively giving the finger to backpackers everywhere. And while we generally support liberal drug laws, and have no fondness for Geert Wilders’ anti-Muslim Freedom Party, we don’t really blame the Dutch for wanting to limit drug tourism, given that it attracts the most annoying people on the planet. But it does pose a problem for those selfsame people: Rising college seniors in America, who, when they visit Amsterdam on their big post-college eurotrip next year, will be limited to actual sight-seeing, and, like art and stuff. The Rijksmuseum! How horrible! At least they’ll still be able to walk through the red-light district and look nervously at the window prostitutes. ”

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