“The News Chopped And Screwed”

Posted: 05/12/2011 in news
Really? How Stupid Could You Possibly Be?

” Two deaf men were stabbed in a Hallandale Beach bar Saturday night when another patron mistook their sign language for gang signs. 31-year-old Alfred Stewart, who is deaf and mute, and three others including a bouncer are recovering in hospital from non-fatal wounds suffered at the Ocean’s Eleven Sports Lounge and Grill on Federal Highway, where Stewart and his friends were celebrating a birthday. Police say Barbara Lee became angry when she thought Stewart’s party, all of whom are deaf, were throwing gang signs at her. The 45-year-old confronted Stewart and his friends and made gang signs to them. Witnesses say they motioned for the “aggressive” woman to leave them alone. Instead, Lee left and then shortly returned to the bar with a juvenile and 19-year-old Marco Ibanez, who is accused of pulling out a knife and stabbing the men. In the ensuing melee, the deaf men suffered stab wounds to the torso and back while the intervening bouncer was struck on the head with a bottle. Lee and Ibanez were taken into custody and charged with assault with a deadly weapon. “

Batman, The Vigilante Finally Arrested.

” An unnamed 31-year-old man was arrested early this morning in Petoskey, Michigan, while dressed as Batman and dangling from a rope on the side of a building. In his utility belt were some sort of baton, lead-lined gloves, and pepper spray. Well, pepper spray was always was the Joker’s Achilles Heel.
After the police pulled the caped crusader back up onto the roof he’d scaled down from, they arrested him for trespassing, possessing dangerous weapons, and not being nearly as good as Bruce Wayne. Robin was nowhere to be found. “

Anyone Else Going?

” If you like standing around with a bunch of strange guys, all with your dicks out, jerking off on some porn star, you won’t want to miss Sabrina Deep’s 2011 Bukkake World Tour. Yes, the Bukkake World Tour. Gangbang star Sabrina Deep is set to embark on her 2011 World Bukkake tour. The tour marks the fourth year of the event and kicks off in Dueren, Germany on May 30. “I have been waiting for this moment with great anticipation. Traveling the world and getting intimate with my fans is an everlasting orgasm and I believe that this year will be the best tour to date,” Deep said. Nearly two dozen cities around the globe will play host to the tour in coming months including London, Barcelona, Paris, Berlin, Vancouver, Los Angeles, New York and others. Deep will be joined by fellow star Gina Blonde who is already slated to appear at the Dueren event and plans to make regular appearances on the tour.
Deep said if all goes as planned, some other big name stars will also be joining the tour for some special events. The star has also issued a friendly rematch challenge to adult film star Bree Olson and to the “lady of the lake” of porn Ava Devine. Deep explained that last November the three adult stars appeared on the “Howard Stern Show” to compete for the title of “World’s Biggest Whore” where Olson was named the winner. “Bree and Ava are amazing performers and beautiful women. We had a lot of fun in Howard’s studio together, and since we were there to talk about how hot we are to do our fans, I want to invite both Bree and Ava to come to a World Bukkake Tour stop and get a piece of the action sharing the fans with me,” Deep said. Deep is publicly asking her colleagues to “call her and make it happen.” The 2011 World Bukkake Tour stops include Dueren, Germany on May 30, Prague on June 4, Paris on June 25, London on June 26 and Oct. 9, Barcelona on July 9, Phoenix on July 23, New York on July 30 and Oct. 16, Toronto on Aug. 20, 21, Vancouver on Aug. 27, Berlin on Sept. 20, Los Angeles on Oct. 1, Miami on Oct. 8, Dallas on Oct. 14, Manchester, England on Oct. 28, Budapest on Nov. 12 and Rome on Nov. 19. In 2012 the dates include Las Vegas on Jan. 6 and Los Angeles on Jan. 8. “

Social Networking Cigarettes?

” You know what probably no one in the world has ever thought, until this second? “I wish my cigarettes had social-networking capabilities.” But the engine of innovation churns crazily on, so now there are social networking electronic cigarettes. Blu, maker of electronic cigarettes, have developed a new pack with “sensors that will let users know when other e-smokers are nearby.” From the Times: The new “smart packs,” which will go on sale next month for $80 for five e-cigarettes, are equipped with devices that emit and search for the radio signals of other packs. When they get within 50 feet of one another, the packs vibrate and flash a blue light. The founder of Blu raves “you’ll meet more people than ever, just because of the wow factor.” Of course he neglects to mention what kind of people: e-cigarette smokers. If your idea of a great time is chilling outside the 7-11 with weird goth teenagers, eastern european clubbers and Katherine Heigl, then Blu is for you. Meanwhile, we’re waiting for the t-shirt that will vibrate and flash when someone nearby is feeling a similar sense of existential dread while reading articles about social networking electronic cigarettes. Unlike random e-cigarette fans, we’d have a lot to talk about. “

Lets Be Fair Everyone Learns Differently.

” Northwestern University has canceled the rest of Prof. John Michael Bailey’s popular Human Sexuality course and placed the teacher under investigation following a scandal over an after-class, optional sex toy demonstration in February. The toy involved was an “adult power tool” called a Fucksaw and was demonstrated with a live naked lady and her boyfriend, neither of whom were students at the college. Bailey’s course will not be offered during the next academic year, said Northwestern U spokesman Al Cubbage on Monday. Bailey has also apologized. From Fox Chicago: According to guest lecturer Ken Melvoin-Berg, after the students were told that a couple would take part in a demonstration involving a sex toy, the students were warned about a half dozen times that “what was about to happen would be graphic.” With that, Jim Marcus and his fiancee Faith Kroll climbed on the stage in front of about 100 students and demonstrated the use of the motorized device with a phallic object attached to it, as students heard about issues such as safety and consent, Melvin-Berg said. “It is probably something I will remember the rest of my life,” said senior Justin Smith, 21, one of the students who stuck around voluntarily after class when students were told about what they were about to see. “I can’t say that about my Econ 202 class and the material that I learned there,” Smith told The Chicago Tribune. Ken Melvoin-Berg narrated what was happening for the class. He operates the “Weird Chicago Red Light District Sex Tour.” The Daily Northwestern quoted Bailey as saying,”Sticks and stones may break your bones, but watching naked people on stage doing pleasurable things will never hurt you. “

You Gotta Do What You Gotta Do.

” Hard times make for creative living solutions. An air conditioner repairman noticed something unusual while working on a Waffle House in Augusta, Georgia: Someone had apparently set up a modest home for himself on the restaurant’s roof. First responders were called to the scene, and found a dehydrated man, who they took to a nearby hospital. No one seemed to know how long he’d been living there, or how he got there in the first place.
[Eyewitness] James Mayle, when asked if he’d seen anything like, said “No, you never expect anything like this, a person on top of the roof at a Waffle House? No, never that.” That’s actually a pretty clever maneuver, because who in their right minds would ever look on the roof of a Waffle House? One can only picture all the remnants of long-missing Kid Rock enemies and discarded sausage gravy just festering up there. And leave it to that other “house” of griddled delights, IHOP, for having long ago devised a creative solution to deterring squatters. Slanty-roofed ski chalets for the win! “

Class Just Got Interesting!

” Louisville Metro Police are conducting a homicide investigation in the 3300 block of E. Indian Trail, behind Liberty High School. Police say the body of a 14-year-old boy has been found in that area, and that foul play is now expected in the case. Sources tell WDRB that the teen lived nearby and attended another nearby school — not Liberty High School. Ben Jackey, a spokesman for Jefferson County Public Schools, says the body was discovered early this afternoon by a group of ten students was walking behind the high school as part of their Humanities class. “They were freshman. They were in the back of the school doing an activity as part of their lesson and they looked over in a ditch that runs adjacent to the school and they saw what appeared to be a body,” says Lauren Roberts, a spokesperson with Jefferson County Public Schools. Students immediately notified their teacher and a security officer. Police say the boy was found face-down, but have little other information to release. “It is unclear at this time how long he has been there. The coroner will decide. It is not believed that he has been there for an extended period of time,” says Carey Klain with Louisville Metro Police. Police canvassed the area on Wednesday speaking with neighbors. “It’s very surprising this close to home, but there are a lot of youth that travel up and down the road during the night and sometimes it’s pretty late at night. I guess it’s an opportunity for things to happen,” says Lonnie Skaggs, who lives next to the school. Counselors were offered to the students who found the body — and may be available Thursday for students who may be affected by the discovery. At no point was the school placed on lockdown, because the body was discovered so late in the school day and students were dismissed early. Officials with Louisville Metro Police are asking anyone with information to give them a call. “

Im Not Into PDA But..

” A performance artist has appealed for administrative reconsideration after being sentenced to a year of re-education through labor, as reported by the Beijing News on May 9. Cheng Li, the artist in question, participated in a performance art show on March 20 revolving around the theme of “sensitive areas,” which featured pictures and performances in the Museum of Contemporary Art in Tongzhou district in the capital. His live act, titled “Art Whore,” which includes sex scenes on a balcony and in a basement of the exhibition hall, has aroused dispute. Guo Zhenming, a 31-year-old artist, recalls that three days after the peaceful performance, Cheng and other artists were taken away by local policemen, and that Cheng remained in custody the following day. Wang Zhenyu, Cheng’s attorney, stated that they were informed that Cheng had been sentenced to a year of re-education through labor on the charge that his “nude pornographic performance” triggered disorder. Wang is preparing to apply for administrative reconsideration. If that fails, he will file an administrative appeal. “We want other artists to identify with Cheng’s action and invite legal scholars to clearly define the relationship between the arts and the law,” Wang added. Cheng Li himself has stated that the philosophy behind his act is that “the popular trend of commercializing art is nothing but a trade of sex for commercial benefits.” On February 5, 1989, an artist named Xiao Lu from Zhejiang Province was detained for five days as a result of her act, which involved shooting a gun at a telephone booth in the National Art Museum of China during a performance. A poet named Su Feishu was also detained for 10 days for stripping in public as a form of performance art. Guo, mentioned above, stated his belief that that “nudity is an expression of art and the definition of ‘performance art’ is quite broad.” Cheng’s attorney has asserted that as Cheng performs in a distinct location and the audience consists of other artists, his actions cannot be condemned as anti-social. “

Cannabis Oil For The Win!

” When no treatments would work to cure his 2-year-old son Cash’s brain tumor, Mike Hyde did something drastic: he gave the kid a dose of cannabis oil. Initially it was to get him to start eating again. That worked and now Cash is cancer-free. Mike Hyde, who lives with his family in Montana where medical marijuana is legal, uses pot to treat his “attention deficit disorder” just like every other stoner who wants to get himself a quick prescription. He got the oil from his regular supplier. However, Cash was being treated deep in Mormon country in Salt Lake City, where medical marijuana is illegal. Hyde had to slip his son the drug without his doctor’s knowing. Say what you will, but Cash immediately got better and just had his third birthday. When it comes to kids and cancer, any way they survive is a blessing. “

Stick Up Granny.

” A woman arrested on suspicion of being the gun-toting “Granny Bandit” who robbed shoppers outside department stores is a 51-year-old pharmacy technician who’s down on her luck. Dodi Wasbotten describes herself on her Facebook page as a Riverside Community College graduate, pharmacy technician and licensed cosmetologist who’s “looking for a job.” A crime analyst who put together a flyer for the “Granny Bandit” wanted in a series of armed robberies in Southern California helped police arrest the woman after she spotted the suspect during her lunch break. An elderly thief pulled a gun on a woman in a Southern California parking lot and demanded her purse. She was arrested Wednesday after daylong police search for a woman wanted in four stickups in the San Bernardino County city of Fontana in as many days. A crime analyst who put together a wanted flyer spotted a woman driving a vehicle that matched the suspect’s getaway car during her lunch break. Wasbotten was taken into custody hours after a woman with a child reported being held up outside a Target store by a middle-aged or elderly woman who was wearing a muumuu and covered her face with a scarf. After grabbing the victim’s purse, she took off in a dark sedan with missing front hubcaps. Her descriptions matched those of a woman involved in three other armed robberies at store parking lots since Sunday. In each case, the victims described the suspect as a woman between 50 and 80 years old who drove off in a dark sedan. Sgt. Billy Green said he wasn’t sure why some of the victims described the suspect as in her eighties, leading police to dub her the “Granny Bandit.” “I can only speculate that it had to do with the way she was dressed in a muumuu. She had a scarf and big sunglasses covering her face. She had a weathered face,” Green said. Green said Wasbotten, a grandmother of one, has a history of drug and alcohol use. He said she has been arrested by police before, but declined to release details of her criminal history. A call to Wasbotten’s Fontana residence was not immediately returned. Police Chief Rod Jones said after her arrest, items belonging to one of the victims were found inside Wasbotten’s car. Detectives said they also found an unloaded handgun. Wasbotten denied taking the items, Green said. “

Condoms Laced With Viagra, Win Win.

” Plain-old condoms could soon be in for some stiff competition – in the form of new erection-enhancing prophylactics some are calling “Viagra condoms.” The condoms contain a gel designed to help men maintain a firm erection, the Wall Street Journal reported. Some men have trouble maintaining an erection while using condoms, and that can cause condoms to slip off – raising the risk not only of unwanted pregnancy but also of catching or spreading a sexually transmitted disease. In addition to helping men preserve their erections, the company behind the condoms says they make erections bigger, the Daily Mail reported. The gel works by boosting blood flow to the penis, KDFW TV reported. It’s similar to a drug used to treat the heart condition angina. But are the condoms a good idea – or just a marketing gimmick? Dr. Irwin Goldstein, a sexual medicine expert in San Diego and editor-in-chief of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, told CBS News in an email that erection-enhancing condoms are an “interesting” and “novel” idea. But, he said, they “will have to be proven to be safe and effective compared to oral PDE 5 inhibitors,” a reference to Viagra and similar medications for erectile dysfunction. And, Goldstein said, it would be important to make sure that “the drug does not pass from the condom to the woman.” The technology has been licensed to the company that owns the condom brand Durex, and regulators in Europe are coming close to approval of the condoms there, Portfolio.com reported. Calls to the company’s U.S. headquarters went unanswered in time for this article. No word on when, or if, the condoms will be coming to the U.S. “

What Is Wrong With A Topless Coffee Joint?

” The Grand View Topless Coffee Shop in Vassalboro, Maine, has been forced to close after its owner erected signs declaring ‘boobies wanted’ The US coffee shop originally made headlines after it upset locals when it opened in 2009, with customers served by semi-nude male and female staff. Despite considerable opposition from locals the shop stayed open until now, when officials ruled its owner Donald Crabtree had been putting up signs illegally. ‘I wanted to have some fun; I wanted to see people smile,’ Mr Crabtree told the Maine Morning Sentinel. ‘I started the topless coffee shop to do that, and it did. But now my smile’s gone. ‘I’ve fought that fight for more than two years now and no matter how hard I try to make this work, somebody sabotages me. ‘These people are bound and determined to shut you down. I’m singled out, but I’m just trying to make a living like everyone else.’ Town officials ruled Mr Crabtree’s signs which declared ‘boobies wanted’ violated zoning rules. The controversial coffee shop suffered a difficult couple of years since its opening and was burnt to the ground in an arson attack in June 2009. It was the threat of legal action over his signs and adverts for a nude car wash, however, that finally caused Mr Crabtree to close the Grand View Topless Coffee Shop. ”

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