“Weird news chopped and screwed”

Posted: 03/12/2011 in news
Too much fluoride in your water?

” Jurors today heard a taped interview in which a Fullerton man admitted that he ejaculated into an “attractive” co-worker’s water bottle because “her lips had touched it,” but told detectives he never thought she would drink it. Michael Kevin Lallana(above left), 32, is charged with two misdemeanor counts each of battery and assault, with sentence-enhancing allegations of committing a crime for sexual gratification. “It was the closest I could ever get to someone as good looking as that without tampering with my marriage or hurting anyone,” Lallana said in the interview with Orange Police Department detectives in explaining why he ejaculated into the woman’s water bottle twice last year. Tiffany(above right) testified that she left her water bottle on her desk in the Newport Beach office on a Friday in January of last year. She said that when she returned the following Monday and drank from the bottle, she tasted what she believed to be semen. “I had a hunch that’s what it was, but I wouldn’t dream in a million years that’s what it was,” she said. Tiffany testified she threw the water bottle away that January. But after the second time in April, she kept the fouled liquid and asked her fiancee put his semen in a water bottle to see if that’s what she had tasted at work. In the taped interview, Lallana initially acknowledged only that he had masturbated in the office, but ultimately admitted ejaculating into Tiffany’s water bottle. “I saw her water bottle and I did it,” Lallana says on the tape. “For me, it’s a release. I think about my wife.” When pressed by detectives, Lallana said he found his co-worker attractive and that part of the allure was that “her lips had touched” the water bottle, according to the tape played for jurors. He went on to say that Tiffany was a “very nice” and “very helpful” co-worker. ”

Let me pour some syrup on your waffle baby.

” Louisiana cops today announced the arrest of a 32-year-woman on charges that she illegally fondled and caressed a female coworker at a Waffle House restaurant. Jennifer Pulsifer(seen above) is facing a felony sexual battery charge in connection with a pair of incidents last March, according to a Mandeveille Police Department press release. Investigators claim that Pulsifer ran her hand between the legs of a fellow employee who had bent over to pick up some change, “caressing her genitalia in the process.” Over the following days, Pulsifer allegedly “continued to make sexual remarks aimed at the victim.” On March 10, Pulsifer reached into the victim’s bra “to fondle her breast,” according to cops.

I think we all feel like doing this at times.

” Meet James Dobran.(above) The 19-year-old Ohioan was collared early yesterday after workers at the Alliance donut shop called 911 to report that a patron had exposed himself and urinated on the counter and floor. Cops who confronted Dobran at the Dunkin’ Donuts outlet noted that he smelled of booze and showed other evidence of intoxication… After being transported to police headquarters, Dobran “stated that his people from Youngstown would kill me very soon,” reported Patrolman Donald Bartolet. ”

These guys know how to party!

” Mistaking the cremated remains of a man and two dogs for powdered drugs, a quintet of teenage burglars snorted the ashes after a break-in last month at a Florida residence, according to police. Investigators learned from the source, whose name was redacted from the report, that the teen suspects “had snorted the ashes believing they were snorting cocaine.” At some point, however, the alleged burglars determined that the powdered substances were not drugs, but that they had stolen “the remains from the dogs and the victims father.” The sheriff’s source reported that there was a “possibility” that the purloined ashes were in the attic of Waldo Soroa(above), 19, one of the suspects charged with the burglary. The source added that the thieves “wanted to return them to the owner but were discouraged” by a man “because of fingerprints.”

Finally a stalker/judge with a penis pump.

” The former Oklahoma judge who was once jailed for using a penis pump while on the bench was arrested today and charged with stalking a former girlfriend. Donald Thompson(above), 64, was collared by cops in Sapulpa, where he used to serve as a Creek County District Court judge (until, of course, investigators discovered his bizarre courtroom habits). Thompson was spotted using binoculars to observe ex-girlfriend Angela McClanahan-Fernandez, who was being aided by a cop since her car had a flat tire. When approached by an officer, Thompson claimed that he “just wanted to see what was going on.” When he later exited his vehicle, police noted, Thompson’s “pants were unzipped and gaping open.”

Those are just my pills.

” After arriving at a Florida lockup Wednesday afternoon to begin serving a 30-day sentence for drug possession, Sara King was placed into “Female Pod.” While there, King was strip searched by Deputy Merced, who asked the 25-year-old inmate “if she had anything on her she was not suppose to have,” according to a police report. “Just my pills in my vagina,” she said. Merced then “instructed King to remove the pills and give them to her.” King complied and Merced took possession of eight pills and two small fragments (which were identified as Buprenorphine SL, a drug often used to treat narcotics addiction). “

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